You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
me + whiskey = a bad person
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
