okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be still, my beating vagina.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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