I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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