you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
