I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
