I just threw up on my dentist
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
