it wasn't lemon gatorade
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
