I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
