My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
did i just pee glitter
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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