the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
