he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think people are normalizing furries
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
