It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I want her autograph on my taint
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Still dying that you shit outside
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
