If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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