Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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