I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just found puke in my bra..
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
