I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
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He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
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The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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