we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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