I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
