whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
