Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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