Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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