She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
