I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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