im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
