i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
