Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
