im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
