It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
