My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
