You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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