I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
