my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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