OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
