He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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