hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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