He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
