Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
