Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
