she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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