six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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