There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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