Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
