what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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