No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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