Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i love accidental penises.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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