do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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