i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
