you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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