Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
