So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
