I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
