I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
