No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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