guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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