i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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