Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
