So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Who died my cat blue again?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
