cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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