Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Randomize
