wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
