When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
