Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
