TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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