I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
