Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
