My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
