this beer tastes like vomit already
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
