i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Semen is not good for contacts.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
