is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
