I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
