I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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