a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
