i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
