I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
