But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
