dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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