i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Randomize
