but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
