Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
