The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize