is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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