This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
