We're like a lot better than the average bears
Please, let me fuck your mom
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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