You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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