The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I am naked and annoyed.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
