HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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