I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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