I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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