I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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