I looked at my own cervix.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
