he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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