There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
